


A Primer for the Lost Hunter

by poetdameron



Series: Sympathy for the Devil [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Childhood Friends, First Order Poe Dameron, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 08:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6847951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetdameron/pseuds/poetdameron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a kid, Poe Dameron didn't give it much of a thought to too many things, until Ben Solo came into his life. As an adult, there was name he couldn't remember and a metallic taste on his mouth he didn't have a name for, as well as a 20s crisis he must resolve soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Primer for the Lost Hunter

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit, I've been writing this for months, since december! Well, planning since december and writing since march. I'm very proud of this one, and I hope you all like it too. This is the first part of a long series, part two (more like Ben's part) is coming soon, and then I will start publishing the real fic. More about that after reading!
> 
> Also, if you liked this work and you have tumblr, please support me by [reblogging the post](http://anythingforyoudoll.tumblr.com/post/144341532269/title-a-primer-for-the-lost-hunter-fandom-star) back on my blog :)
> 
> Happy reading!

“What do you like?” The boy with the tiara over his so black hair asked, not even looking at him.

Poe did, he looked at the boy and thought of him as his new friend; he was still sad and he didn’t know what else to do but to follow this kid on his house while his also sad dad talked to Ben’s parents. Now, the shadow of the especial tree on Poe’s home covered them from the sun and they saw their dads walking towards the hill, probably going for the high grass. To hunt.

“To fly. What do you like?”

Ben, that was his name, thought of his answer maybe too much but Poe was not here to judge him, it wouldn’t be appropriate for him to do so with the visit. Then, the kid looked at his father and now at his hands over the weird blue cape with stars he was wearing.

“The noise.”

“Noise?”

“Yes…” He said at just seventh.

Poe wrinkled his nose. “Of what?”

“Everything but this.” Ben answered, putting a hand on the side of his head.

**A primer for the lost hunter**

**I**

Poe has never wondered why grass were so tall when no one sees it. What did it wanted to reach? The sun in the morning? The stars at night? What was out there so important that grass wanted to grow up fast to reach it? Was it the same that made his mother fly away and his father run every time some base called? The wind moved the tips of the grass above him and his grandfather smiled, moving his hand to signal the pray to his uncle and the younger man smiled too, pointing his blaster in the middle of their silence. He didn’t like to hunt, he didn’t like the smell of blood and the expression on the dead animal’s face, but this was one of those days in which his mother wasn’t home and his father took him away to be distracted with the rest of the family; his cousins were there too, all too old to play with him to other things, Des and Jon pretending they were older too and not wanting to run while doing blaster noises at their escape from the Empire on board their imaginary ship. So he stayed besides them, looking through binoculars at their target.

“Flying is like… hunting. In a way.” His mother has explained when she sat him on her lap while flying her old a-wing, Poe looked up at her, his tiny hands still on the controls his mother was teaching him how to use. “When you are about to enter light speed, you stay calm first and then BOOM!” and his uncle shoot the white rabbit from their position in the present. “The rush on your belly? It’s adrenaline, you don’t even notice you were holding it like your breath. Now breathe, Poe.”

A high pitched scream echoed around them, he looked at his father at the other side, his uncle looked up immediately, while his grandfather checked on them. His cousin Mila run from his side to were the rabbit was supposed to be and uncle Jay screamed for her, but then she answered back: “It’s a kid!” and all the adults run to the teenager, uncle Jay pale as the rabbit he wanted to take down.

“You stay here with your cousins, Poe! Jon, you are the older! Take your cousins near you!” But in the exact moment his grandfather run with the others, Des run behind him and he took Jon’s hand, running too.

The cries came from an almost dark direction since the sun was getting down, the kid cried on Poe’s ears and his heart started to hit his ribcage like never before. “You must be careful when you fly, Poe. The stars will guide you, but the universe is infinite and dark, it can swallow you whole if you don’t see where you are going.” His mother had said that time, “You can get hurt or you can hurt, flying is freedom and it’s beautiful; but everything has something bad in it. Everything. So you must be careful.”

“Hey, hey! It’s okay! We are not going to hurt you!” He heard Mila trying to calm the other kid, a mass of black hairs was moving on her arms and Kes kneeled in front of her. “He is not hurt.”

“I can see that, let him go, you are scaring him!”

“We should go…” Murmured grandpa. “We are scaring the kid. Let’s go, let Kes and Mila take care. Go, go!”

“You killed her!” The kid shouted lifting a hand and Kes hissed in pain at something. “Oh!” He exclaimed, suddenly the sobbing was gone and Poe’s grandfather looked at the kid with wide open eyes. “I’m so sorry, sr! I didn’t- I didn’t want to…!”

“BEN!” A woman’s voice said and then a terrific roar.

Poe took his grandfather by his clothes and the man put a hand on his head. Still, Poe looked at the scene in front of them: a hairy, tall, monster appeared with a big blaster pointing at Mila, then at Kes and it roared again, the kid stood with his hands up as if trying to calm the monster. Then, the most stunning woman he has ever seen appeared, long hair moving with the wind and she let herself fell in the ground, hugging the black haired boy with such affection, it made his belly feel empty. A blond man fell down on his knees near them too, trying to look at the boy’s face and when the woman let him for a moment to check his entire body, the blonde man smiled at him, tears sliding down his shining blue eyes.

“What happened? Leia!?” Now, another man with a blaster up appeared, stopping at the sight of the woman and the blond man with the kid. “Buddy…”

“I’m fine.” The kid said, almost scared.

“Han…” Kes said and the last man looked at him. “Maker, this is your boy!”

“Kes Dameron,” he said with a sigh, “what are you doing here? What happen?”

“We were… hunting rabbits. Heard a scream after a shoot and we thought…”

“I’m fine…” The boy said again and the woman looked up.

The woman looked at Han again, mouth opening before he could say anything. “I thought-“

“You said he’d been shoot, Leia! I almost-“ And then, he walked towards the boy. “Why did you send that to your mother?”

“You used the Force just a moment ago! What happened?” The woman said.

“I… It was just an accident. I didn’t meant to… I wasn’t… I’m so sorry, I-“

“He didn’t do anything!” Kes stepped forward, trying to calm the situation and Poe walked a little by his father’s side, wanting to see the boy’s face. “He got scared for the shoot, he was near the rabbit…”

Leia looked at the dead animal in the ground and moved her head at one side, the blond man took the boy in his arms in a protective way, the tall hairy creature, a wookie, made noises at the boy and he answered with “I’m fine, I swear” again. The woman sighed, a tired expression on her face.

“That is what I saw, the blood… I thought it was him, he was in pain, I thought-“

“Maker… Bonds… Visions… Force… all this…” And the man put a hand on Kes’ shoulder. “I’m sorry for ruining your hunting, buddy. It won’t happen again.”

“What? No, no. It’s not- It’s not the boy’s fault, he did nothing bad. We should have seen him, I’m sorry.”

Han looked at the blond man with his kid on his arms, the boy was sobbing again in silence, Poe knew it because his shoulders jumped from time to time and the wookie was trying to take his attention while the man patted on his back softly. Leia tried to grab him but he shook his head no, and Han walked to them, taking the kid by his hips to carry him himself but the kid, maybe at Poe’s age, did a weird sound and Han let him, hands up like giving up and coursing under, walking out the scene without a word.

Poe couldn’t see the boy’s face at all, but his sobbing accompanied him on his sleep for weeks and he wondered what could be so bad about his father he would do that sound, how could his mother see the blood of the dead rabbit and why the other man seemed more like the real father than the one that has talked to Kes. He tried not to think of it and to not comment much when his mother came back and Kes told her everything, he didn’t understood half the situation and the only thing he would have talked about was the kid’s crying and he didn’t want to bother his mother with his questions. Those were, after all, some of the last months he spend with her.

**II**

As a kid, he also never asked why his parents didn’t stay at home with him like other parents did. In a way, he was happy to know they were safe and about, he liked to tell other kids his parents were heroes and see the small children open their eyes big and curious, asking questions about adventures Poe wasn’t sure of and how they were saving the galaxy right now. So when his parents came home and his mama planted a weird looking tree at their yard, he didn’t knew how to express his emotions and he ended up exploding in question after question about how is it to be a rebel, what is like to fly, who is this and who is that, what does this means and what does this says, when will he be old enough to have his own adventures. After that, the emotion vanished with the normality of the days and he started to become a normal child, with normal working and loving parent, a grandfather who stayed with him at home, friends at school, good grades and an incredible hunger for getting into trouble and have a collection of scars on his knees and elbows.

He didn’t give it to much thought to why he was always on the move and why he liked the shadow of his weird looking tree, but when he found himself staring at another kid with scars on his hands and band aids on his fingers, he suddenly asked if the tree was especial and if there were other people like him, other little boys wanting adventure, other little boys getting in too much problems all the time. When the kid looking at him with big, brown, expressive eyes, longish dark hair getting into them, he tried to smile but couldn’t. The kid was touching the tree which such reverence, Poe felt bad he never give any attention to the tree except for when he climbed there and looked at the stars. Then, the kid looked up as if someone was calling him, nodded, and looked at him with a knowing smile. And in the same way he appeared, he was gone in a second, not letting notice he was there.

Now, Poe didn’t told anyone about it. Not even grandpa. He wondered about this kid when he was having dinner with his family, barely hearing what they were saying to him until his father took his attention with simple words: “… They have a son about your age, Poe. Maybe you two can play at the yard when they are here.”

“Sure.” Poe smiled, he always loved to have a companion to play and knowing a new friend was always good. But then, “wait, who?”

“I told you he wasn’t listening!” His mother pointed at Kes with her fork, a big smile of her pink lips, always so full of light. “He is too damn far away from us, he will be great.”

“He certainly is, already.” Said his grandfather and Poe’s cheeks went red, his father smiled at him fondly.

“ _Papá_ is right.” He said and Shara nodded. “We were telling, boy, our friends are coming over tomorrow; the ones we saw that day while hunting.” Poe nodded, yes he remembered that. “We will have dinner together and they have a son too, remember?” Poe nodded again. Ben. “A boy more or less about your age.”

“Ben is kind of shy,” said Shara looking at her son, “doesn’t talk to many kids, because he is especial. Like our tree.”

Poe blinked a couple of times. “What do you mean, mom?”

“He will be like Luke Skywalker one day.” Answered Kes.

Poe opened his eyes like plates, the dreamy like kid from early afternoon on his mind again. Would that kid be like this one, Ben? Especial like the tree? Like Skywalker himself? His sobbing, the way he had reacted to the rabbit dying, the grip of his mother’s embrace, the kid was _especial_. He nodded once more, when her mother told him to be nice to the poor kid who couldn’t socialize for the life of him, he had a mission now.

******

So.

He wasn’t really surprised to find out this Ben kid was also the dreamy like kid from yesterday afternoon. Poe crossed his arms on his chest, a knowing smile on his lips when the kid stepped forward after his mother introduced him, Ben smiled at him again, same way like before, and offered his hand nicely so he took it. He was warm, soft, like his mother’s voice before sleeping. And he smelled like wood and oil, like a ship and a home at the same time. Weird. But… dreamy all the same.

“I’m sorry I was in your house without permission yesterday, that wasn’t appropriate” Ben said at one point and Poe decided he didn’t like the way he talked, he was like a protocol droid: too formal, too like a dictionary; but they weren’t friends enough for him to tell him just that, not yet. “It’s just…” he said, looking at the levees of the tree. “This tree. Is so beautiful. So… alive. I can feel it thought the people and the roads, like if it was calling me.”

Poe looked at him for a long moment, maybe an entire minute, then looked away when Ben’s face got red. _He is especial_ , Poe remembered. Like the _tree._ “The tree is especial…” Was his answer.

“Yes.” Ben said after a long, awkward silence. “Yes, my uncle has one like this. He hasn’t… he hasn’t planted it yet. He needs the right place.”

The older kid nodded, Ben was two years younger than him and talked like a goddam old man. Poe didn’t like it. And it was a weird feeling, to not like what his mouth let out but like his face, and the freckles on his cheeks, the mole near his lips, those brown eyes of his and those soft hands. It was… all too weird.

**III**

His mother died three months later.

There was a weird feeling on his back, like if someone had passed an iced cube in the middle and then left hundreds of bags with stuff over his shoulders, like heavy arms of adults who don’t get it. What? Who knows, but certainly not them. And then, that strange taste of blood on his mouth, from his lip while he was chewing at it out of boredom. It stayed there for a while, even when there was no real wound. The metallic taste.

Standing while his mother was buried wasn’t so bad compared to the way he throw up and throw up last night when no one give him dinner and there was no hot milk to sleep. But the sun still hurt on his eyes and his nose burned on its circles, salt coming from them and into his parted lips, and he couldn’t help it, no matter how many times he passed a napkin or the sleeves of his black blazer on the area. Every time another adult say ‘sorry’ to him, Poe wanted to tell them he didn’t believe the majority of them and that he wanted to go home, and maybe just sleep, never go back out because he was just _tired_. So when he saw Leia and Han Solo, his eyes searched for Ben in the hopes he could run away from the aftermath of the evening, but the boy was nowhere to be seen.

“Ben is with his uncle, down there…” Leia signaled the way and Poe nodded, saying his thank you. “Poe?” And the boy looked at her, he knew what was coming. “My heart is with you, I loved Shara not just like a working partner. She was my dear friend. I can’t only imagine how are you feeling, but…”

Poe smiled a little, this was something no one has told him and it actually made him feel better. Yes, he loved his mother too. “It’s okay…”

“It’s not.” Her voice broke. Yeah, it wasn’t. “She shouldn’t… I’m very sorry, Poe.” She looked at him with pained eyes and Poe just nodded, feeling tears on his eyes again. “Can I hug you?”

“Sure…”

That was the first time he liked a girl. And it was also the last time, too.

******

Luke Skywalker was Ben’s uncle, also Ben’s favorite living person in the world. He was a hero, someone especial like him, he could understand him and listen to him for hours. The kind of immense love Ben felt for Luke was the kind of love all kids felt for their own parents but, as Poe was now getting to know, Ben had love for everyone. He loved too much and too hard, in a way only an adult could describe and it made Poe uncomfortable just like his droid-like talking did: he didn’t liked it. Nevertheless, when Ben looked at him after his mother was buried, Poe knew two things:

1) he looked like a hero from a book in blue and that thing on his hair that looked like a tiara,

2) this was the first time he truly, genuinely liked a boy.

The man with them, the same that has hold Ben so tight and looked at the kid’s father with such sadness while holding him that time with the rabbit, said he was sorry too; his words were as honest and different like his sister’s and Poe smiled at him for a second before turning his entire attention to his new friend. They haven’t seen each other for months, but the boy was just as warm, but now he shone in a stunning way. Being around Luke was everything Ben loved in the world and Poe didn’t liked it, it make him wonder what could be possible better than having his mother at his side all the time, and he wanted to be angry at Ben but couldn’t. No, the boy took a hanky from his tunic-like clothes and cleaned up Poe’s nose at only seventh. He didn’t say he was sorry, he didn’t’ hug him or wished him luck from now on, he only cleaned his nose and the rest of his face to then take back the hanky on his pocket, as if the thing wasn’t dirty with someone else’s feelings.

And, asked what no one has: “Are you going to be okay?” Poe looked at him for a long moment before nodding. “I’m glad, Poe.” He said. “Are you… I guess no. I’m sorry, I was going to ask something unappropriated.”

“Why you always talk like that?”

Ben blinked a couple of times, putting a hand on Poe’s shoulder like an adult. “Like what?”

“Like… a protocol droid.”

The younger boy smiled then. “I do? Well. I’ll be a senator one day, I’m just training.”

Poe nodded, it explained so much then, he guessed. “I’m going to be a pilot. Like my mom.”

And he nodded again. “You are so going to be the best one, Poe.”

Poe nodded, his cheeks a little warm. He stood there for a couple of seconds before slowly getting nearer him and since Ben didn’t stop him or walk away, he hugged the boy with timid arms. Poe was never timid. Never. And Ben knew this, somehow he did, he seemed to know _everything_ ; so his younger friend hold him too, even when he didn’t like to hug other people but his mother and uncle Chewbacca, the wookie.  When he opened his eyes and looked at him, Poe saw Ben sad for the first time. There was so much silence in him, dark bags under his opaque eyes he didn’t noticed while he was trying to smile, all pale with parted red lips and just… there was no smile now.

And yet…

“I really like your freckles…” Poe said, he cleared his throat after realizing how small his voice had sounded. “And your nose, and how red your lips are… that funny way your hair curls in the tips too.”

“Poe.” He said, his voice sounded like a droid more than ever.

“I actually like your whole face.”

Ben took his hand from Poe’s and faced him whole. “You are not laying!” It come out as surprise and it hurt Poe, it hurt that Ben would thought he would lie about something like this, about him.

“I love your hands…” He mummed, looking now at the grass. “I…”

There wasn’t an answer or movement; when Poe looked up, Ben had that lost expression of the first time, looking at the sky as if hearing something. Then, the boy looked down, his eyes getting on tune again and he looked at Poe with a tender expression, soft but still kind of sad. So different from the boy he had met months ago. So different.

“I even like that, talking at the sky in your imagination.”

“What?” Ben said, blinking.

“That…” He moved his hands to show him, imitating Ben’s gaze at the sky and his expression. “Like if someone was talking to you.”

“Oh…” and he laughed, it was a nice sound. “That’s because someone was talking to me. My uncl- Sorry. Master Skywalker asked if everything was alright, so I answered him.”

“You can… you can talk to your uncle on your mind?”

“Yes.” Ben moved his head at one side, biting his bottom lip a little, then gazing at the sky again. “I can heard your tree too, more or less.”

“What?”

“It’s the Force.” He explained. “We are all united in it, things talk and live through it. I can heard them if I concentrate enough, it’s easy to have a bond with other Force users and with people that are close to us. Like me and my daddy, we have a special bond like him and mommy.”

It was Poe’s time to blink. “That’s… amazing. I like that of you too.”

Ben finally smiled again, this time he took Poe’s hand in his and started to walk until they found his uncle, saying they were going to accompany Poe back home. “I can also feel what they feel too when their emotions are too big. Like one time, dad was running from some thieves, and my mom felt it so she guide him to safety through her mind, even when he was in the Outer Rim and we were at Corellia…”

Ben walked him back home, talking about ships and adventures that weren’t theirs but promised to one day be true and their own; and it made Poe think for a moment, that maybe the reason why his parents weren’t home when he was younger and the reason why they always went down running when they were called, was that big adventures are for adults who doesn’t want to be home. Like Ben’s dad.

**IV**

Older and bored, Poe looked forward the weekends so he could run on his yard while making his remote control x-wing fly up in the sky. He knew how to fly an actual one, he knew what controls to use and how to lower it up and down, to one side and the other, even how to make turn around and on its own, but there was no way his dad would let him pilot something that wasn’t this little thing. It wasn’t enough but for now it would be, he liked to play and pretend he would fly away one day. And it wasn’t like he wanted to leave his dad and grandpa or something like that, it was just… he wanted to _see_ , that’s it. There was so much to see and he was just here, bored, looking at the sky while teachers come and go, saying the same and then contradicting the other. He heard stories about the things they talked and got good grades so his dad would be proud and less sad. But then again, the need to see and to know something else that wasn’t just text and holos on his datapat was strong.

More than ever, he wanted to be a pilot and **serve**. He understood now, he did. His mother has fought so hard to give him this, the chance to talk without the fear of hearing black creatures falling from the sky; and his father has fought too, got hurt and in constant pain on one leg for the same. They were fighters, heroes, legends. So he was committed to it too, he was going to be a fighter too and he would help too; he would be part of the Air Forces of the New Republic one day, he would stay with the good guys as long as he could and fight when they were called. Peace was something he walked on these days, even with the paranoid conversations of the adults, and Poe would help to maintain that in the future, the near future. Then, when he was sure he has done enough, he would fly from galaxy to galaxy. Maybe met a boy, have their own family too, travel with them from Rim to Rim, see his dad and remind him how much he loved him, how much he loved his whole family and how proud he was of be one of them.

So when the time came, Poe didn’t hesitant to write his name down on the recruit format in the middle of his city, all Yavin IV people were getting ready for the arrival of the ships at the docks that day and when Kes called after him, just a few seconds after he has done his form, Poe looked up and saw Ben for the first time in years. He was way too tall and too skinny, pale with short hair that did not disguised his ears like he liked when they were kids, a single braid staying were his long hair has fallen to his shoulder so many years ago. There was no stars-like transparent capes, no yellow shoes, tiaras or pretty blue tunics covering him but grey and brown, light cream colors, robes on him. And that face with no expression but black bags under his brown eyes.

“A jedi knight?” Poe asked after he heard the story, Ben looked at little more alive now that they have eaten something and were sit under the shadow of his especial tree. “ _You_?”

“What? Does it sound so ridiculous?”

“No!” Poe said immediately, sensing that horrible insecurity that was all over Ben since the first time he heard his voice. “I just… thought you wanted to be a senator?”

Ben shaken his head. “When I was seventh, Dameron. Seventh.”

“What? I’m still want to be a pilot.”

And the padawan smiled, “Yeah but not all of us have the lucky to be good at something since a young age.”

“There is it! The protocol droid talk!” He said and pated at Ben’s shoulder with glee, the boy just looked down and nodded. “Hey…”

“I’m just tired. And we have to travel all the way back in the same day. I don’t know how the Master does this… training all day, always so calm, traveling like this all the time.”

Poe smiled a little. “Your uncle is something else.”

And then, the boy stopped breathing for a second. Then nodded. “Yeah.” He said. “My uncle, the Master.”

Once again, Poe didn’t like the way he talked.

******

Ben left at night with his uncle, it was so late Poe didn’t thought of telling his father he had put himself on the list to travel to Hosnian Prime and be tested for the Academy at fifteen years old. Ben was about to be 13 and was a little bit taller than Poe already, with both his parents alive and far, calling his own uncle ‘Master’, and not seeing his adored mother, eyes that were so bright all dark and shining presence all too grey. But Poe said nothing, he only hugged him tight to say goodbye and wished they could see each other in another time; they never were the greatest of friends, they didn’t see each other that much to be as near as he felt with him, and part of him wished Ben felt that way too and when the force user smiled at him, Poe thought that maybe _yes_ , maybe they were this close with so little time, he wasn’t imagining things.

“So long, beloved. I hope to see you soon.”

Poe blinked a couple of times, his cheeks suddenly warm and pink. “Ben?”

“Yes?”

“I…” He took his wrist for a moment, and Poe looked up at him. “It was good to see you, my friend. Good luck.”

“Good luck to you too, Poe.” Ben said with a smile, his touch so gentle, and then moved his head to one side. “I hope to hear about my pilot friend soon, I saw the Republic stands in the town. You get in?”

“I just filled the forms, I have to do the test yet.”

“You’ll get in.” He said, firm and serious. “You’ll be the best, too.”

Poe nodded only, his fingers touching Ben’s wrist a little. “Travel well, buddy.”

And Ben nodded too. “Farewell, beloved.”

**V**

**BELOVED**

[bih- **luhv** -id, - **luhvd** ] 

adjective

  1. **_greatly loved_** ;  ** _dear_** _to the **heart**_ **.**



noun

  1. _a person who is **greatly loved**_.



******

Poe took the joystick firm with both hands and waited for the command of the instructor. It wasn’t so bad, Kes’ reaction, when he finally confessed what he has done at town. His grandfather has smiled and wish him well, while his dad was in denial for a few days before giving him his mother’s helmet. “Be careful, please” he said and then locked himself on his study during the afternoon; days went by and things got in their normal rhythm until he received a holovideo from the New Republic Academy, a woman explaining he was accepted to take the test with the rest of the candidates from his system at certain date, on certain hour, in certain place back at Hosnian Prime. Kes traveled with him and left at the stair of the Academy with a proud smile and a sweet wave of his hand, and Poe didn’t look back when he entered. Then, after an almost ritual ceremony, he waited for his turn with the other teens, he was one of the youngest already.

“That rush on your belly, that’s adrenaline.” He heard his mother’s voice were her helmet stood on his head and Poe concentrated on his targets, avoiding then firing, confusing them were he could and getting them together to hit with only one nice shoot. Above, in a control room, the academic judges put down his score and shown abilities, they looked at one another, nodded, some smiled, and then nodded again until the training program they used as test was over and his final score has been perfect. 50/50, none of the other’s participants until him had got it. And, like he has noticed, they announced him like the youngest to enter the Academy to that moment, so he moved forward to where an instructor called for him, to fill more papers and to listen to the preparations and stuff he would need to know before returning to the capitol to stay for now on. His father would be proud, just like his grandfather. For a moment, he wondered if his mother would be too. ‘ _She_ _would’_ , he assured himself, writing fast on his com. She would.

 _I got in! Score: 50/50, first one to get it perfect for now, there are still plenty of participants. Also the youngest. Your friend is already the best!_ , he wrote with shaking fingers. God, was this cold when he arrived?

**_Beloved!_ **

_I knew it. I’m happy for you, keep it that way! **– Ben**._

******

His entire family, to his happy shame, traveled their way from Yavin IV to Hosnian Prime to say goodbye to him, now an official member of the Academy for Pilots of the New Republic. They were proud of him, all smiling and wishing him luck; Poe smiled back and hugged them all, one by one, saying goodbye and hoping to see them soon during his first vacation break in six months. Soon, it was only his father, grandfather, him and a box. Kes showed him the big package and told him to be careful, to be responsible with it and to take care of it.

“Maker! Really?” His brown eyes opened in surprise, the unit on the box was already ensemble by his dad and grandpa, but free for him to program and name. “It’s the newest one!”

“It is! And you are going to take care of it with your life, okay? You are not flying with some R-D unit, those old things of the Republic.”

Poe smiled with a knowing nod to the older man, his grandfather winking at him after the comment and Kes rolled his eyes. “You two suck. Come on! Get it up! Let’s meet the little one!”

It costed him more than he would admit to get the droid, a BB unit, going but it was worth it: the little thing was adorable to say the least and it was so happy to be awake and listening to the humans talking, it made Poe’s heart jump in happiness. He slept good that night, knowing in a couple of days he would start his actual training and he had a new friend in town, even when he had to say goodbye to the people he loved the most and grow up with. So when the sun shone up the morning of his first day, he smiled all the way in the building, saying good morning to everyone and putting on a good face to every single new partner in class. Never in his life has he felt this alive, and this ready to jump into action. It felt like he has finally stopped chasing for adventure, it felt right and secure, like if it was already there, about to defeat the greatest evil. He did new friends, he keep on texting (beloved) Ben, and proving to be the best chance the Academy had.

******

 Soon, Ben stopped answering texts and calls. A rumor raised when Poe was seventeen and in love for the first time; that the jedi has died for once, all of them. That something has happened and no one was able to tell what, why, when and how; and Poe’s text started to be more and more insistent, until one day there was no other explanation but to accept it may be true. Maybe… his friend was having a bad time. Maybe he was hidden. Maybe he was injured, sleeping, recovering.

Poe and Don walked together from the Academy to their favorite place to have dinner, sometimes with the rest of their class at a watering hole where Poe understood why Ben hadn’t answered none of his message in months. “They are all death”, said Jemima, her blue skin shining pale with her emotions on display and Poe’s mouth went dry. “Even the little ones, all gone now.”

“There is no jedi now?” Asked one of the guys Poe knew the less, and she nodded. “How…?”

“We don’t know.” She said, her voice just a tiny thing. Her sister was there, everyone knew. “I’m going back home tomorrow, my mother needs me.”

“Of course, Jem.” Don said, taking his friend’s had to give her strength. “We are here for you too, yes? Whatever you need, just say it.”

“I’m… fine.” She said, sad but there was no tears or something else. Just shock and sadness, but still… “I didn’t… This is going to sound awful, but she has been gone for so many years and she was always so apart, I just… I guess I just can’t believe I will not see her ever again.”

“It’s understanding, Jem.” Jessika said from the other side of their table. “You two have been apart for a long time, you are in shock.”

“Yeah…”

Poe blinked a couple of times before standing, excusing himself to go out for a smoke and thankfully no one wanted to share, so he walked outside after Don checked on him and smiled a little. Kriff. Kriffing Sith hells. He take out his com the second he knew he was out of his friend’s sight, tapping a quick message to his father for his Intel, he needed to know how was Ben’s family, if he was… too. So he called. Poe called at Ben’s number and waited for it, waited for him to answer with sleepy eyes because it’s one am and he was calling from another galaxy, so far from him, far from where they met, from they were born and see the other for the last time.

_So long, beloved._

No one answered and then it beeped, a call from his father entered and Poe answered not knowing how shocked he looked, how pale he was, how _desperate_ he seemed; so when Kes Dameron’s hologram appeared in front of him, he thought of that as his father’s shocked expression changed into a little smile, “I’m so sorry, Poe. I should told you earlier, I thought… maybe you knew.”

His mouth opened, then closed. So many things to say. “Since… when?”

“A couple of months, it seems. No one said anything at first, there were rumors… nothing else.”

“What happened…?”

“One of the kids took over, went down for the rest of the kids and then after Skywalker, but it seems he is alive. He just… disappeared.”

“And Ben?”

Kes shook his head and Poe closed his eyes. “I’m very sorry, son. I know he was your friend.”

“Yeah…” He murmured, then looked up at the sky. “We didn’t… knew each other so well. But yes. It feels… weird.”

Empty. Something has gone for him. And he couldn’t put a name on it, Kes stayed talking to him for a little while until sleep was too notorious on him, it was late and Poe was taking his damn time. Soon someone will be out to look after him, Don will be there soon and he didn’t want to explain the call, to explain his pale face. They say goodnight, and Poe finally took the cigarette and fire it to think, to remember.

_Farewell, beloved._

**VI**

Squatting and looking to the ground, Poe continued to smoke two and three cigarettes regardless of the time Don could come out to see him, asking what was wrong. He never smoke this much, and his mind seemed to travel far from this world and out there, his mother talking to him when he was a kid more fresh than ever on his head and Poe closed his eyes, listening to her soft voice: “you can get hurt”, “so be careful”, “always be careful”. Maker, he needed her so much, has always needed her so much. And now, he wondered if the galaxy was feeling his pain. Now that their only hope has vanished and the little hopes were dead too, would they feel the same pain he felt when his greatest hope died when he was nine years old? Then Ben. Ben with his blue dress-like clothes, that tunic full of stars and glitter, his tiara and his red cheeks, Ben cleaning his nose and he put his fingers there, cigarette half consumed, the smell all over him and some guy getting out the local with two big aliens behind. He looked up to find Don, but the blond guy wasn’t there and a part of him was… disappointed, somehow. So he quickened the ciggie, knowing what was coming when the two aliens exclaimed disapproval in their guttural language; that poor skinny guy was about to get break in half.

“I’m sorry, gentleman.” Poe heard the ginger man with scruffy beard say. “But it has been years, Brendol Hux wants his money back and you had have plenty of time to own it. I’m asking you, very gent-“ and he was smacked by the alien’s fist and Poe hissed in disgust, feeling bad for the poor guy.

But, of course, when the alien was turning towards the boy that landed in a pile of bag with trash and whatnot, an electric cord knotted on his arm. The other one stopped laughing when the arm got triturate in various pieces and Poe got up, wide open eyes and mouth falling, the cigarette all the way in the ground. The alien cried out, his friend running towards him and trying to see the damage of the attack. And the redhead boy stood, cleaning his before impeccable clothes and putting a lock of hair behind his ear, talking again to the aliens.

“You can discount the hospital bill from the debt, but the rest I want it on this account” and he hand the unharmed alien a card, “by tomorrow morning. Sorry for the perchance. Have a good night, gentleman.” And he walked away, towards Poe’s direction.

Poe looked right at his face; he was… funny looking. No one would ever fear a man like this. All bones and tall figure dressed in white and black, red hair so bright it probably looked like fire in the sun, and when he met the man’s blue eyes, Poe shivered a little at the coldness. And then, the unharmed alien was running towards the ginger man again.

“Watch out!” Poe called out, but before the redhead noticed, Poe took out the weapon he saw the man  hide on his coat and shoot to the attacker. This time, a blaster bullet went direct to the alien’s shoulder and he screamed in pain. “Kriffing hell, really?” The boy asked at the alien. “I’m not paying for that, and this man here is not paying for that! Consider yourself lucky, I don’t have desire to kill any of you. Jus pay, it’s really easy. I know you have the money. Maker.”

Again, Poe looked at the ginger man with wide eyes, his hands shaking and still holding the weapon. Both alien males run away from the scene and the taller boy sighed, tired and now looking at Poe. None of them said anything, so Poe give him his weapon back and tried to talk, to say something, to maybe ask if he was okay, whatever.

“You alright there?” He said first, Poe nodded. “Thank you for your help, you have a tab inside?” Poe nodded again. “Good, a name?”

“D…” The tab wasn’t at his name, but still. “Dameron. Poe, Poe Dameron.”

“Nice to meet you, mr. Dameron. I’m Brendol Hux Jr.” _Junior_. So his father was the owner of the money. Great. Poe took his hand in a firm shake and Brendol Hux Jr. smiled at him a little, his shaggy red hair a mess again. “Is the tab at your name?”

“What? No. It’s okay.”

“Nonsense, I would have died without your help. Please…” And he took a com from his large coat. “I’ll pay you a drink, at least.”

Somehow, Poe liked him. His fancy talking and the smell of tabacco on him, the freckles and pale skin. The cold blue stare. “Zaller, Don Zaller.”

He tapped on his com quickly, then nodded and looked at Poe with a smile. “Have a good night, mr. Dameron.”

“Go-good night. Hux…”

Brendol Hux Jr. nodded again, and then walked away from the watering hole and Poe’s night.

**VII**

“So,” Wedge Antilles was about to finish his little speech and Poe’s heart hammered on his chest, eyes stuck in Antilles’ face “go get them. This is what we do: we protect our people, we protect what is right, we do the brave and also the stupid too, and that’s who we are. And you, guys, are here to show them and all the people that trust us that you are made of more than water and flesh, more than stardust and whatnot. You are made of will, of sun fire and you are brave.” He said, Poe’s chest felt full with air and he contained it, in front of all his class. “And I’m proud of you all.”

He let go of the air he had on his lungs and clapped with everyone else, maybe a little bit rough and he smiled at the hero himself when he looked at him, nodding in his direction with gratitude. When Poe had heard Wedge Antilles, his favorite person in the entire galaxy, was going to be in the Academy, he cleared all his previous compromises and decided to be in front of everyone for when he talked to them. They did a little class with him, they fled with him and his WEDGE’S Squad, and then went down on land for this last speech that now headed to a dinner party. And when his major instructor grabbed him by the arm, asked if he wanted to sit with Antilles and the Squadron for being top of his class, he barely contained the emotional tears that crystalized his eyes. Poe just nodded, and walked towards their table, trying not to show any nervousness.

“Ah, hotshot.” Said Wedge, looking at him and tapping the sit at his side, Poe couldn’t believe it. He sat immediately. “Amazing technique the one you got there, you will be going places.”

“I already do, sr.” Damn his mouth, the rest of the Squadron and their leader laughed at least.

“Big mouth, big heart, big victory.” Said one of the women. “He is one of us, boss.”

Wedge nodded. “I can feel it, yes.”

Maker, was this a dream? What wild one then! Poe smiled and laughed when the others did, even when he didn’t understood some of their inside jokes. As the night passed, so did the people heading towards their dorms but he couldn’t just leave. In first instance, he was too high in adrenaline to even think of sleeping, no matter BB-8 was waiting for him back at his dorm, no matter Don was looking at him from his table with the rest of their friends, the ones still awake, as if asking for him to walk there and, you know, spend some time with him. But he couldn’t, not when Wedge Antilles keep including him in the talk, telling him stories about _his mother_ , about Senator Organa and General Solo, and the rebellion. He just… couldn’t walk off. He couldn’t.

“Son, what’s your plan when the academy is over?” He asked and Poe looked at him for a long two second.

“I want to be part of the New Republic’s float.” He said, and Wedge nodded.

“You’ll do well, man like you is what we need.” The man added, but the way he did, Poe felt it more like something polite and nothing else. “Have you heard about the organization the ex-empire parties are doing?” And Poe nodded. Not really, but enough to know where the conversation was going. “One hell of a problem, an organization full of names that should not be mentioned.”

“Stop scaring the poor guy, Antilles!” Said one of the younger males. “He’ll be fine! He has Shara’s spirit in him.”

“Indeed!” Antilles answered, then nodded at Poe to come closer. “One day things will look so bad, you’ll wish to never have entered the float. Another days, you will pray for something nasty to happen soon or so help me boredom. But most of times, you’ll find yourself asking if this is fine, is this the correct thing to do?” He sighed. “Is it worth the fight? Or we will have to be fighting forever?”

“Sr…”

“You will fight forever, hotshot.” He answered. “And your hands will be dirty. Never forget those are people in those enemy ships, too. Like us, they think they are fighting for the right thing. It’s something that will haunt you forever.”

Poe nodded, suddenly realizing this. And the kind of life his parents had. The things their friends has done. The bunch of people, innocent or not, who have died during the war years ago and what could come now. It was, after all, his work and his companion’s to maintain the peace his parents has worked so hard to have. And he… was he ready for that? To shot to a faceless enemy that could be easy a parent? A sister? A cousin? Was he ready to do just that? He was almost 19 and done with school, and at the end, he could never just give the fight his back, never. So wherever he decided to go, he will be dirty too.

“So become a hunter yourself.” Wedge said. “Haunt the peace and learn to live with the sound of the shot, the cries of the pray. So everyone who deserves it will have a plate of something good at their table.”

“Yes, sr.”

******

So.

It wasn’t a big surprise when, weeks later, things with Don were shit. Not just like shit, but **_shit_**. What started as a little annoyance for Poe not being with him at the party, soon become a fight over the kind of fries they wanted to share and then of why the droid was always in the room, on and about. Part of him wanted to just… shut him up with a kiss, talk latter. But then he will be mad again, he wanted to have a conversation like normal couples do and fix things for that matter. Maybe they weren’t like that, Poe thought while getting ready for his patrol with his little team; maybe they were one of those shitty couples that can never stop fighting. Maybe that’s who they are now, and the honey and sugar part of their relationship was over. With that in mind, he looked back at where BB-8 was getting in position and when his little friend cheered its happiness for being on the air again, Poe smiled and started the machine, waiting for Control to give them green light.

He thought of the night before and Don’s face of disapproval when he stepped on to help that ginger man again, and he drove his x-wing to take off in time as indicated by Control back on ground. From that first night (why was him there that time?) he saw him, to yesterday, the man was always in trouble at ridiculous hours of the night. Hux, always so well dressed but with his hair a mess and sometimes a scruffy beard, had the balls to talk directly to people, bad people, who owned his father lots of money and, as a consequence, he always got beat up. _And yeah_ , he thought finally on air and preparing for the jump to light speed, the redhead actually knew how to take care of himself, but sometimes one vs three is just not fair and even a man like him could use a little help.

BB-8 beeped worrisome and Poe looked at it with a little nod. “Everything fine, my friend. Just thinking about last night.” More beeping and Poe laughed. “Yeah, Hux seems to never give up.” And the droid beeped a reply. “I like him, too. A shame who his father is.”

_Who is it?_

“A bad man, buddy.” He replied. “Part of the empire. Hux works for him, so he must be part of those ideals.”

_What if he isn’t?_

Poe smiled, listening to his team eat alive the poor girl who’s boyfriend seems to not want to just _do_ _it_. “Don’t think so, buddy. But if you are right, then I like him better.” A beep of happiness and Poe looked at his side, one of his friends moving too close. “Man, move, you can cause an accident.”

“Sorry, captain.” He answered, and Poe saluted him from his cockpit. “Everything good with your boy?”

“Umm…” He exclaimed, everyone waiting for him to talk about it. How is that all of them just… knew? “Yeah, everything good.”

“My girl told me Don was pissed to no end this morning.” Alika, one of the best, told him. “Maybe he just needs a good fuck. Have you got laid recently, captain?”

“For Force sake, Alika!” He exclaimed, probably red. This woman was the worse. “More respe---“

A crash, at his side. Eyes wide open and screams all over his skull. Alika started to give orders and Poe, he just- stayed there, losing the controls for a second, listening to BB-8 desperate beeping until the droid managed to steady the ship. He looked around, Morita was gone! The ship wasn’t there and—another explosion, Loretta. Poe passed saliva before finally flying his ship, BB-8 sending one million suggestions about what to do and his mind traced a way out for him and the three—Two. Just Alika and him, his friends where gone, all parts of them and their ships floating around him and the other woman, the same girl who screamed at him to wake up, to fly away and then, there they were.

“Are those…?” She started, Poe nodded even when she couldn’t see him at all. TIE Fighters. And he shoot down one, “WOW! Dameron!? Forget it, we have to get o-! DAMERON!”

His hands were shaking and there was this cold thing on the bottom of his back, traveling to his core and beyond, eating every trace of adrenaline to help him out the situation, his tongue felt heavy while a metallic flavor touched it, like blood in your teeth and lips, his neck tense and he just… another one. _“This is real people in there”_ , he heard before a shot behind him took down a third one and Antilles was flying at his side, two of his team mates shooting down the fourth one and the fifth. He saw the man chase the last one until an x-wing and the other blocked it his way out and Poe knew what was happening. They got them.

******

Prey count: 02.

******

“… Which leaned into an accident,” _liars_ , “and three of our men resulted dead. Now, this is a tragedy that” _liars_ , “will mark us forever. We will never forget...”

_Liars, liars, liars._

Poe’s jaw clenched as his Commander talked about his three friends who died just yesterday, attacked by TIE Fighters, not a mechanical accident. He looked at Wedge as his side, the man was a sphinx, no expression and no move, accepting what their boss was saying and Alika? At his other side, eyes on the ground, hands in fits. ‘ _You are not saying anything, you understand? We need more information before we let this out’_ , the man has told them and Antilles just nodded. He wanted to say so much, to scream at them, this was something they couldn’t just reserve to themselves, something needed to be done! But, _‘Imagine the panic and all the trouble if we said there are TIE Fighters again!’_ and Poe shut his mouth.

“The Force has them in It.”

The Force. Poe closed his eyes, his old special tree giving him some of his shadow when he was a kid and his mother calling from inside his home. Two of them, he took down two fighters without even blinking. And he didn’t liked how he felt, or more like the lack of feeling while doing it and after it. Don looked at him with wide open eyes when he said the true that night and while his boyfriend hugged him thigh, he was still cold, that one cold feeling still on him. Two of them down by his hand. A son, a sister, a cousin, a mother, a person. Dead.

“It’s okay, baby…” Don told him, peppering his shoulders and back with kisses, and Poe rolled in their bed. “We knew what it was when we signed in, we knew… this could happen.”

“Yeah…” Was his only answer and Poe went for a kiss, hard and rough to someone who is always sweet to him but has been a pain in the ass lately.

Home. He wanted to go home, maybe talk to his father, leave flowers at Shara’s grave, ask her how she could work with a man that left the galaxy the second he got scared of a young boy, how she could work with another man who only nodded his head when his commander asked to tell lies, was it that bad when she fought? Or is it now? He shouldn’t be doing this with his head in other place, so he stopped and Don looked at him with worried blue eyes, hands caressing his face and what they could reach of his skin. And when the blond fell asleep, Poe looked at the sealing, the conversation with Antilles still fresh on his mind.

_“Mr. Antilles…”_

_“Force, don’t call me that. Wedge is good, hotshot.”_

_“Sr…” He said anyway, the man moved his head to one side. “Are you alright with this? We should be doing something, don’t we?”_

_“We will, once we get something for the bastard.” The poor woman they got. The one that had looked far too frightened to actually give a fight, why was it taking so long for her to talk? Or what she knew wasn’t enough? What was what they wanted? “Kid, listen…” Poe swallowed hard, his superior putting one hand on his shoulder. “There are times in which we have to stay put, yes? And when that happens, you have to understand it is not because we don’t want to fight. We lost people today, innocent people, good kids like you. And they will pay, soon. But sometimes, soon seems too far from people like us. Be patient.”_

_“Yes, sr.”_

_“Boy,” He said, making sure there was no one else around them, “you are Shara’s son, so I will be honest with you. Our job? It’s not as easy as they make it sound with the great stories and the Golden Trio, and all of that. It’s war. People die. We kill. And at the end? That great hope those twins promised doesn’t exist. We create our own hope and light. There is no such thing as the greatest power above us. The Force is us and there is no hero without red numbers. Are you truly ready for this?”_

_For a second, Poe thought of his mother waving her hand at him from the dock at the base on Yavin IV, of his father and his leg that hurts during winter, and the kids who died following a myth. A cold embrace took his shoulders and a metallic taste touched his tongue. He nodded, for all of them, “Yes.” and for himself._

It was a lie.

**VIII**

“Didn’t you had a boyfriend?” Kes asked and Poe almost chocked on his drink, his father started laughing.

“Yeah, Don…” He said, BB-8 looked at him and he sighed. “Didn’t work out, we only kept fighting the last months. It was awful.”

“Awwn, that sucks, man.” His father said and Poe smiled a little. “So… what’s next?”

And he sighed again. “I have this… friend. Or well, I just…” He thought of him, of Brendol Hux Jr. and that name, he couldn’t mention it. His father would disapprove. He did too, but the boy… “Someone I know.” That’s better, he did know him. Has saved his ass more than once. “Who needs a pilot, it’s going to be for some months only. While I figure out what the kriff.”

Kes nodded, eyebrows meeting his hair and Poe sighed once again. BB-8 beeped in approval, excited about their next adventure and Poe caressed its head before looking at his father again.

“So…” He started, “you are not- you are not mad?”

“No… I mean, you finished school and now, you let go a big job. I should be mad, maybe. But Poe, you are an adult now. Do with your life a kite if you want.”

“Really?” His face showed even more conflict, “just like that?”

“Yeah, just like that…”

“So, you don’t think I ruined my life or something?” Kes shook his head. “Are you serious?”

“Of course I am, Poe Dameron.” He answered. “Look, son…” Here it goes, Poe swallowed and put his attention to his father. “I’m not going to lie and say I’m not worried. But there is a reason on why both, your mother and I, didn’t stood there with the others. There is a reason why General Solo and General Organa didn’t either, not to mention Skywalker.” That men, a shy smile appeared on Poe’s mind and his hand went to his com immediately for some reason. “It doesn’t work. They never listen. They have the danger right in front of them and they decide to ignore it. And… I know shit about running a Galaxy, but if you have the power to prevent something big and bad from happening, well you try at least.”

Poe nodded. Exactly. That. He finished his meal with a lighter body and an attempt at a smile.

_“I’m out”, he has told Antilles the last time he saw him. “I will find another way to help. But standing here without doing something, that’s not… That’s not me.” The man nodded there. “I’m sorry you are here.”_

_“I’m sorry, too.” Wedge said. “Good luck, hotshot.”_

He blinked, looking at his com without messages or calls and a list of numbers he didn’t dare to use just yet. People may hate him right now, some on them. And then, there were the coms of the dead ones and he swallowed, taking it aside and breathing wide and fresh, Yavin IV in spring was wonderful. His tree waved with the wind and Poe stood there after leaving the New Republic’s Air Forces, unemployed and uncertain about where to go for the first time in his life at 21. There was this taste on his mouth again, that metallic taste that could only be one thing: anger. He was angry. At him, at the Republic, at whoever plans these things to happen for taking his mother away when he was only kid, for the way his father was always sad, and those kids that died so many years ago, Jem’s sister, that kid too, and he just—Anger. It was anger.

“Are you disappointed?” He asked at his mother’s grave, crouching on his tiptoes. Kes blinked and looked at him. “I’m talking to you, dad.”

“Oh…” The man said, then sighed. “No… but I’m sad you are.”

There. Poe nodded. “I’m sad your fight was in vain.”

“It wasn’t at the time.”

“Yeah, I know…” He answered. “It was our job to maintain that peace.”

“Poe…”

“Don’t worry.” He said. “I’ll figure it out.”

******

Poe offered his hand to Brendol Jr. again, this has been going this for years by now and they never stopped their lives to sit and talk maybe. They actually waved their hands to the other while walking on Hosnian Prime and seeing the other’s face in crowned places, but they never thought of sitting to chat while taking some caf or something else at a watering hole. Yet tonight was different. It was because Hux looked tired and his lip was bleeding. Poe took the blood away with his finger out of instinct and it made the ginger man laugh. He had a weird laugh, it echoed like something old and alien. And when the card was extended to the pilot, Poe blinked a couple of times before looking at the older man.

“Rumors are quick, mr. Dameron.” He said, “And I have heard some about you. I need a pilot for the next couple of months.”

“Yes?”

He nodded. “If you are interested in working, look up for me at the Halton Hotel. We can have breakfast, if you want.”

“I’m just a pilot, buddy…” He said, “I’m no bodyguard.”

“I said I need a pilot, mr. Dameron.” He smiled. “I’ll see you then?”

“I… I’ll think about it?” He answered and Brendol nodded. “I’ll call you.” And he nodded again.

Poe looked at the card and then at his com, was he truly going to do this? This was the son of one of the bastards that put those TIE out. He then looked at his droid entertaining itself with the holo on, and his hopeful talk about how maybe the son was different and, like him, only worked to pass his life by, searching for his own meaning. They were alike, Hux and Dameron, both sons of heroes in their family’s own beliefs. He pressed call after getting the number in, and when the ginger man’s face, now shaved clean, appeared in front of him, he smiled.

******

Hux had a beard on when they saw each other in the lobby of Halton Hotel and Poe closed his eyes hard when the man wasn’t looking, then opened them and waked behind his future boss. The pilot didn’t knew if he envied the power of Hux’s gens to grow a beard so fast or fear it, it was quick. Or maybe he was still a kid who couldn’t grow a damn yet, maybe it was that. Which was funny, most people on his family, both parts, are hairy. One day, one day. They sat one in front of the other and Poe smiled when caf was put in front of him, Hux talking about the perfection of a meat breakfast the restaurant prepared and the also good taste of the pancakes. Come on, this was a normal guy.

“Why are you working for your father?” Poe said out of real curiosity. Hux seemed like someone capable. Of what? Who knows, but capable.

“Let’s put it this way….” He said, moving his hands to give a better explanation or so he thought, Poe realized. He moved too much. “I do my father’s dirty laundry because I need a favor, and since he is a man of exclusive taste, I have to prove myself of trust.”

“To your own father?”

Hux stopped then, looking at him for a second too long and then smiled softly. “Brendol Hux is a difficult man, and he doesn’t like having favorites.” He said, “Which is fine for me since I want my own place, I don’t need his name to give me chances.”

Poe nodded. “But…”

“I know what you are thinking.” The man interrupted. “ _’Isn’t your father a war criminal for the New Republic?’_ He is and he isn’t.” Hux said. “He serves them for peace gestations and they give him the chance to re-integrate himself and his family with some conditions. He no longer belongs to the empire. Neither do I.”

The pilot smiled. BB-8 was right.

“He is the only person I know with connections to the senate, and I want some for my own benefit, so… Yeah. Collect his debts would do.” He smiled and Poe nodded again. “Don’t worry, you will only fly me to places, I’ll do the sweet talk.”

“As sweet as you have been already?”

And he laughed, that weird sound again. “Certainly.”

This ginger man… was okay. Not quit what Poe imagined of him before. And if his father was out and so was him, he was no one to judge, even if the man was still affiliated to the bad guys. Bad guys. He looked as Hux eat and explained his travel to the middle rim and where they were going if he accepted the job, his hands were so soft looking, slender fingers that looked more elegant with every fine movement while cutting meat and using a fork for salad, nails so well done he may have hurt himself while cutting them. Poe smiled at him when he sniffed at one side, and say he was sorry. This guys was just a regular person, he eat and sniffed, he laughed and disliked his father, wanted to do something with himself, work. Just like everyone else.

“Alright, this kind of looks like a date.” Poe joked after his eyes catch the third curious person looking into their direction with a weird grin. People knew Hux, after all.

“But it isn’t.” The redhead answered, typing on his com. His eyes went up, looking into Poe’s. “It bothers you?” And before he could say a thing, Hux talked again. “Also it will not matter with how happy your girlfriend will be once she sees the good stuff you will be able to give her.”

Poe laughed at that and the redhead smiled a little, finishing his business with his com and looking at his companion. “Girl? Nah. I like guys.”

“Oh, then it does looks like a date.” He said, taking a bite of his dessert. “I like guys, too.” And before Poe could reply, he continued with their first point. “So payment…”

At that, Poe moved his head to one side with his eyes well open and stopped eating, Hux keep on with the money thing and how it would be charged to Poe’s account every Monday until the work was over in a couple of months. So, at his silence, the older man looked at him and waited for his answer. “Poe?”

“Excuse me, WHAT?” And there were eyes over them now.

Hux nodded. “You heard me right.”

“YEAH!” He said. “Yeah, when do we start?”

“Poe.” Hux said, first time Poe ever heard his name on the redhead’s lips. “You do realize you may be putting your life in danger, right? Some of these people, you have seen them.”

“I do.” He answered.

******

Hux… didn’t liked the company. He was a quiet guy and only talked for hours when he was happy about a well won mission. And other things Poe knew about him were basically the same as before, four weeks and counting, but this. The fact that Hux wasn’t in a happy state for too long and seemed more stressed every time he went to talk to Brendol Sr., Poe tried his best not to show any interest in his boss’ personal life but… he couldn’t just let him consume himself in cigarettes and alcohol. He drank a lot. Like not just during meals and over chats, no, he drank so much the expensive ship he has made Poe fly had an entire section for his bar and Poe was started to drink a lot too.

Soon, his conversations with Kes become more like a routine. _How are you_ and _what are you into_ , that kind of stuff. He talked about a group getting together to go into action if things needed to, another rebellion or something like that, and Poe only nodded. Maybe three weeks ago he would have fly his ass back to Yavin IV and listen to it, but today he couldn’t. They were meeting with a group of smugglers and Poe knew things were going to suck the moment Hux told him about it. The redhead wanted to go alone as always but the pilot knew better, his instincts never failed him and the three of them, droid included, walked their way down a hill where they could see the smuggler’s ship and, for a second, Poe remembered the Millennium Falcon in Yavin IV’s dock and the smell of oil and wood, dreamy like.

“What?” Hux said, amusement on his voice. “You pilots… always thinking like droids. Wood and oil is not home-like, it stinks.”

“What would you know? You are always smelling of cigarettes and alcohol like a dramatic middle aged evil stepdad.” He answered and the man laughed, “See? Even your laugh sound ev—“

Shooting. What a surprised.

But even before they could roll their eyes, they were running for cover, BB-8 going desperately to Hux’s side and Poe shook his head at them ( _‘Gingers stay together, Dameron’_ , Hux has said once and he just wanted to smack him every time). Blasters up, that weird gun his boss owned that changed its tools with bottoms, like some magic device proper of an action holovideo, they walked slowly with voices demanding for them to get out or leave, never come back. And when the redhead nodded at him, Poe shot the man at his front, Hux the three following and him the woman who tried to attack his boss, and then there was only their leader.

“Kriff…” The man murmured, bot blaster’s canyons touching the sides of his head.

“So, Brendol Hux has had enough of you.” Hux said, “He wants his money back.”

All dead.

******

**HUNTER**

[huhn-ter]

noun

  1. a person who hunts game or other wild animals for food or in sport.
  2. a **person who searches for** or seeks something.



 

Prey count: 8

**IX**

He _liked_ Hux.

BB-8 liked him too, they travelled all together and the _future Emperor_ , as Poe has started calling him to Hux’s amused smile, would sit at his side on his stupidly fancy and expensive ship and talk with them before landing in their new destination. At eight planets now, he had become Bren openly and while he didn’t respond to the call at first, soon Poe noticed he would look up when the smaller man said it out loud and then nod in his direction, listening to whatever there was at the time. He preferred his last name, _‘It belongs to me’_ , is what he has said. Since Brendol was his father’s name and he has been egocentric enough to call his only son that, then he would only be Hux. _Daddy issues_ , BB-8 searched one day it and Poe were talking about Bren’s imminent dislike for his father and Poe had laughed so hard, his stomach hurt.

Then, he met the man himself.

“So, give this to Lady Kashérr and then you and your boyfriend can go lick Baffel’s balls.”

Brendol Hux Sr. was a pain in the kriffing ass.

“Yes, sr.” His son said and Poe bite his tongue to not say something stupid.

As they walked out, he could feel Bren’s tension around them and even BB-8 started to roll slowly. This happened every time they touched land in Coruscant to see the man, have more orders and go out again. Six months into this, six months and Poe remembered he hasn’t called his own father yet and that he should, he damn should. Yet, there was always something to do and something to see. All planets had their own charm and things to taste, from drinks and food to places and sports, and his boss had become his friend, and they experienced the same desire of jumping form weird places in ropes, shooting at things and flying in blasphemous velocities while a little bit drunk. Like if they wanted to die, but not really; they were doing what they were always good at: tease Lady Death.

******

“I want to ask something.” Poe announced as they cleaned themselves on a lake, a rock between them and their voices echoing the forest ahead.

“I’m listening.”

He always was and Poe nodded. “Why do you want connections with the senate?”

“Mmmm…” Was he really thinking it? Poe looked behind him, Hux was wearing nothing, his freckled back was totally in Poe’s sight and the pilot wondered over every little mark. He liked freckles, that’s all. “I want to be Chancellor.”

“What!?” He laughed and Hux looked at him, his middle finger raised and Poe laughed some more. “I can’t see you even as a senator, you will want everyone to put on their serious face and actually talk. Really, man. The senate is horrible.”

“That’s why!” He said, totally naked and walking towards Poe, hands on the rock and Poe moved his head to one side. “They need a leader who will actually put them to work, not some silly diplomat who can’t make his own voice be heard! Poe,” he started and the man finally put on a straight face to listen, “I believe that having the right leader with the right initiative, things can be accomplished.”

Poe lifted an eyebrow with a smile. “You’ll be one hell of a Chancellor, you know?”

And Hux laughed, the sound more a song than the strange echo of before. One year and half with him and his crazy adventures, improvised healing abilities and new places. The man stood there, looking at the ground for what felt like a life time and then looked up, Poe was already trying to dry his body.

“I wanted to be a senator since I was a kid, but I’ve been thinking…”

**_Ben._ **

Poe blinked a couple of times, slowly, maintaining his eyes closed the second time, chasing the memory of that name and there was nothing but a little pain. _Ben_ , he repeated in his mind and Hux looked at him. **Bren**. Brendol Hux Jr., Poe nodded and smiled at his boss. **_Bren_**. “Yeah?”

“Sometimes I think the Republic is not the answer, it doesn’t work.”

The pilot stood in silence then, the animals doing their song around them and BB-8 rolled to his feet, listening too. “Well…” Poe searched for a thing to say and then smiled a false one, “I have always say you will be our greatest Emperor, Bren.”

Hux looked at him with those blue icy eyes and for a second, Poe saw fire in them. “There is an organization…”

And here it goes.

“Called the First Order, my… dad told me about it.”

“I heard a little before.”

“I know it sounds for children’s of the Republic, Poe.” He said, always knowing what his opponent was thinking and Poe nodded. “But it’s not like that, from what I have learned.”

“No?”

Hux shook his head. “Their idea is to work with the Republic, become a free fraction that could live in peace with them. Like a safe zone for empire sympathizers.”

“I thought you were against the empire…”

“I am!” He answered way too quickly. “But because their way of executing was a mess, it was all and only about power, there was no equilibrium, no real rules and a plan. Palpatine reserved all the rights to him and only shared some of the money with his closer allies. But…” He tried to find a way to explain, Poe only nodded to let him keep going. “But I think… with a better structure, a New Empire with no old man can work just as good. Besides, this wouldn’t be… like this huge idea that more than three systems can be ruled by the same person.”

“So…”

“Conquered places can maintain their rules and adopt the law of the Empire, for example.”

“Alright…”

“That would not take away their autonomy but also will include them in the new realm, it will bring harmony to the rule. It’s possible.”

“I know.” Poe said and BB-8 looked at him, then at Hux. “Bren, are you getting in?”

He shook his head. “It’s not that easy.”

“What are you going to do?”

Like that, he realized they needed to get dressed and Poe throw the towel to Hux. The pilot knew what was coming, this was the end of their working team and something more. He looked at his droid had started to inform them about the ship actualizations he just realized and the messages they got respectively. Kes has called again and Poe punched himself in the gut, he had forgot to call his dad again. They walked in silence back to the ship, they talked about their next move and destination: Corellia. It’s been a while since he last was there.

“I’m going to win my place in.” Hux said and Poe nodded. “You should too.”

Poe shook his head slowly.

******

Corellia resulted to be their last mission together, since Hux met with Lady Kashérr and husband themselves, both offering important data the Order would like to have from the old Empire, as payment for their own debt with Bren’s father. The man’s eyes shone in response, opportunity raising in front of him and Poe swallowed when his boss smiled, accepting the little memory that contained encrypted documents with the precise information about those that once created ships and other armory for the Empire because they were happy to do so, no slaves of the fear. Allies.

“This is it, my friend!” Hux said, too excited and too drunk too. The autopilot was on and his friend was celebrating his victory. “We can get in with this! I can’t wait to see their faces when they see the information!” Poe opened his mouth to protest, but Hux put his hands over his shoulders, both sitting in the floor, BB-8 staying at the cockpit since it didn’t like the smoke of their cigarettes and other things they shouldn’t be doing. “Of course, this is not a tomorrow morning we are in thing, they will check the archives and see is genuine, then they will let us in. Kriff! I wish my dad would see it too! Maybe he will be there…”

He talked way too much while drunk, too. Poe nodded. “Bren, I’m not—“

“Poe, you have nothing.”

Silence.

“Just like me.” He said. “Come on… if you don’t like it, you can kriff off. Just like you did with the Republic.”

“It’s not that easy…”

There was a kiss, Hux kissed him to shut him up. Poe looked right into his eyes the five or six seconds it lasted.

“It is, my friend.” He said nodding. “I’ll say it was the two of us getting the information, and we are both in. I want strategy… I guess you’ll go back to piloting?” The man nodded. “Good, if you work hard you can be a commander soon, and we will be seeing each other.”

“Why?” Poe said, swallowing next. “Why do you want me there?”

“Poe!” There was a hint of fondness on his tone, he moved his head to one side, the long of his bangs falling with it. “You are my friend. My only friend.”

“You are my friend too…”

“And it’s just the right thing. Think about it, about what I told you the other day. I will climb until I’m there, until I’m their leader and I will clean my way into it as much as I can. No old speaking, no old hate, two fractions working together in harmony. Peace in our time.”

And Poe shook his head. “Peace in our time.”

******

“You don’t have to go in there with me if you don’t want, buddy.” Poe said and BB-8 beeped hurt. “No! Of course I want you with me! But… I don’t know how this place will be and I don’t want you to feel forced to go in there.”

 _‘Nonsense! You are not going a lone. None of you’_ , he was including Hux. Poe smiled.

“Are you sure? I can send you back home, there is no problem.”

_‘I’m going, Master. I can’t let you fly alone.’_

“Yeah…” Poe caressed its head with a sweet smile. “Don’t leave me alone, buddy. Never.”

_‘Here I am, Master Poe’._

Poe sighed, standing now and looking at himself in the mirror. Today was his test, his hopefully future commander and other officials will see him fly and do a little program to see his abilities of attack and defense. He wasn’t as nervous as when he did this for the New Republic, he wasn’t thinking of impressing people and become a god dammed hero. Right now, he wanted to fight, to serve, and to finish this eternal discourse between fractions, be part of it when it happened. Poe bite his bottom lip before nodding to himself in the mirror and he called for his droid, both of them walking pass the door of their room at the Finalizer where they were called for his knowledge test and now, his action one.

He was going to be the kriffing best now.

_“Be careful when you are hunting, Poe” his grandfather once told him, showing him how to do the art of winning the game back in the camp. “Sometimes the adrenaline can make you see red.”_

_“What does that mean?”_

_“It means we have lost ourselves to the adrenaline, and sometimes, dead takes it too and transforms it into something else.”_

_“Like what?”_

_“Anger.”_

**X**

Poe was sure he looked actually good in black, the bright orange of the fly suit back in the New Republic has been… weird at first, but he got used to it. But now, now this was something he could go out with and have a drink at some point. The helmet, he didn’t liked it at all but the ship, the ship was a dream, and it’s a funny thing to say because he loves the classic feeling of a good x-wing and the quit machinery of a well loved one. But his TIE? Beautiful. One could think the space inside was too small, but it was comfortable and his was like going home; there was even a given space he work himself so BB-8 would function as his astro-mech, even when TIE didn’t had one. The sound it made while flying had followed him since the attack a couple of years ago and maybe that was why he understood now why they allowed that. Fear. Like animals running from predators, people tend to feel fear the sound when tension is floating in the air. So you have a cry in the sky and great black eye following behind, hiding in the stars and then attacking, like a good hunt. Besides, their game right now didn’t exist. His work was pretty much the same he did before. To patrol, to train, to joke in the coms and to smile a knowing one to Captain Hux when he had the chance to see him.

They were climbing, as his friend say once.

Now, he could use the helmet as requested but actually take it off while flying and that’s just as amazing as the fact that every trooper he has met doesn’t have a name but numbers. Is scary and is sad, and he doesn’t agree but he has a job, he is helping and really, this place… is not bad. The silence in the hallways may surprise every soul in the galaxy near and far, and how easy is it to laugh at the cafeteria area. Normal people, with jobs and lives, their group of work friends and ay to prepare their caf.

“Dameron.” He heard a female trooper call him, Phasma. One of the very few who dared choosing a name for themselves. “Captain Hux requires you on the bridge.”

“He say what for?”

“A short mission, go pick someone.” Poe rolled his eyes and walked at her side. “Please, put your helmet on. We are about to enter the bridge”, she said in her calm tone and Poe obey immediately. He was sure Hux had a thing for this woman, it make him wonder if she ever takes off her own helmet.

She was… fun. When they weren’t working or there was no one near that could heard they silly jokes, and the dirty ones too. Poe smiled when he was his friend, short hair and clean shaved face, standing in the middle like if his rank was higher and he knew, one day it will be, one day he would become their leader. Hux looked at him and nodded at Phasma, she returned to her perpetual position at Hux’s side and Poe stood there, waiting for his orders.

“We have to take someone in, a trusted man of Supreme Leader Snoke.” Poe nodded, that men… no one has ever see it in person. Only high ranks had ever see his holo, he hadn’t and he didn’t wanted to. “Seems he has the Force.”

“What?”

“No questions.” Hux said and then, they started walking out and back to the fly bay, Phasma following right behind. “We will bring him in, and he will be working with the high mouths. I don’t know the General is truly happy as he told the Supreme Leader, but…” And he smiled, no one else in the hallway, “It will be fun to see him try working with someone else that isn’t his wife.”

“I can’t believe he thought that was a good idea. So… does this guy, whatever his name is, truly has that kriff?”

“He does.” And Poe understood Hux already knew him. “It’s… a kid like us.” Another young man, Hux was right. They were going to clean the Order form the old ones. “Snoke’s pet.”

“I get you don’t like him?” he pilot said, and Hux shook his head. “Why?”

“You’ll see.” Was his answer. “Kylo Ren will be a problem.”

Poe blinked a couple of times, then nodded. “Alright, Bren.”

*******

******

*****

**Author's Note:**

> And, thank you so much for reading this! Like I say, I'm proud of this one and I will confess, this AU is my baby, it means the world to me. And I hope someone likes it and enjoys it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. As you can see, is a complete AU. Childhood friends, Ben goes darkside younger, all that jazz. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this, and thank you again for reading! Maybe I'll see you on [my tumblr](http://anythingforyoudoll.tumblr.com/)? Have a good day!


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